I never told you
by Locele
Summary: A spin off from "Looking in the mirror". Maura finds a poem after waking in the middle of the night from a nightmare. Oneshot


**Poor Maura. she has been through so much. so sometimes she can't sleep  
Remember when you are reading this that I am dutch so English is not my mother language and I am dislectic.**

"apartment… box… paper… you"

Before they had taken her away. She felt so alone, she would die… she couldn't believe what happened. Heard the sound, the horrible sound of the cry, of the gun, the blood on her hands when she tried to save another life. She had failed!

She woke up with a start. Sitting straight up in bed she took a deep breath. She put one hand over her heart, quickly counting her heart beats. 130… a sign of anxiety. She took a deep breath in the utter darkness and pushed away her blankets.

Sitting on the edge of the bed she put her head in her hands. Easy she berated herself. Moving to the living room she switched on a small light. Sitting down on the couch she let herself been hugged by the soft pillows. Her night dress did not make her feel warm. The couch did. She tried to process her dream. Her feelings. Herself.

In all her life she hadn't been as scared as she had been on that day. The way everything moved around her as she watched on. Her eyes trying to believe what her mind was denying. She couldn't lie to anyone however. Not even to herself. She had acted in panic. Something she hadn't been used to.

She had felt so lonely. Believing she had failed. And still those words had haunted her. So she had gone to the apartment. Searching for the paper.

As she sat now on the couch bathing in the soft light she could see the paper on the table. She picked it up with her delicate fingers. Leaving the warmth of the couch for a few seconds. Her body reacted as she had expected. Goosebumps appearing everywhere. She crawled back into the protective space she had created and folded open the paper.

The poem greeting her was something she had never thought she would find. She knew that somewhere there had been an artistic side but never really saw it. She smiled reading it once again. As she had done for so many times.

_'I will never tell you_  
_That maybe I could have done_  
_things differently_  
_or that I was wrong_

_I will never tell you,_  
_That I am afraid every day_  
_For him to come_  
_Or kill me and say_

_I will never tell you_  
_About my first night alone_  
_How my bed was cold_  
_Hard like a stone_

_But tonight I'll tell you_  
_What I have felt for so long_  
_What I have hidden between my files_  
_I love you_  
_Maura Isles'_

Closing her eyes for a moment Maura hold the poem close. From everything she had ever analyzed in her life. Everything she had proven and discovered, probed and learn. She never managed to dig into everything of Jane Rizzoli. The woman was a complete… no she couldn't lie. Not a complete but certainly a part of a mystery to her.

She would surprise Maura with a simple gesture. Like this. But as Maura thought of that she felt tears threaten to spill. She clutched the paper. If only Jane had told her sooner… she would have…

"are you alright?"

Opening her eyes she looked straight into the now soft brown eyes of her lover. "no" she answered.

She felt the body move against her on the couch and fingers pried the paper away from her. "nightmare?" it was almost more a statement than a question. Maura still nodded though.

"you didn't lose me"

"I was so afraid"

"I know". The gentle approach. Maura smiled. She always knew how to address her. "I'm still here you know. I couldn't have let your work be for nothing"

"don't... Jane…" Maura buried her face in the neck of her girlfriend. "sorry… Maura… look at me"

Maura slowly looked up. "I am here, and I am glad I have you here with me"

"I wish you had told me sooner"

"me too… ready to go to bed now?"

Maura nodded and they both stood. Maura moved to the bedroom. Her body and mind had calmed down again. Jane gently put down the poem on the table and looked over where Joe Friday was in his basket. She smiled and followed her lover. Yea… she should have told Maura sooner. Fact is… she couldn't. not back then. But she wouldn't trade the world for anything to undo what happened. It brought them together.

Jane chuckled. "thanks bastard… rot in hell"

**So? what you think? review please**


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